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Commander Keen
12 June 2012 @ 11:37 pm
suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck
 
 
Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
 
 
Commander Keen
31 March 2012 @ 01:52 am
im just gonna ramble cuz im tired and alone.

maybe not so much ramble, just write pointless things. stupid pointless things. im just tired but i dont want to go to bed yet....even tho i do like sleep...maybe i should go to sleep. i have all day tomorrow to fart around doing the same old nothing. i should go to bed. yes. bed.

tomorrow then will be much like today, im sure. simpsons, king of the hill, need for speed, saints row 3, portal 2, futurama.

im not too complicated.

i keep yawning.

i wish i had a human sized circular marshmallow pillow to sink my entire body into. that would feel fabulous.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
Commander Keen
28 March 2012 @ 03:16 pm
Got an interview today at Gamestop.
For assistant manager.
That means more money than normal.
Plus.
Super plus to this...
My piercings/tattoos/hair...
Totally ok, he says.

Yessssssssssss.

I hope I get this job. I think the interview went super well. The manager seemed to really like me and the fact I was a passionate gamer (finally it paid off lol), oh and of course the fact that I own a business anyway. He had to interview like 15 people and send his recommendations to his higher up and they're going to do phone interviews next week, then after that I guess they're going to tell the store who gets it?

I want this job.
I want it, I want it, I want it.
 
 
Current Mood: chipperchipper
 
 
Commander Keen
18 March 2012 @ 03:59 pm
I hate having social anxiety problems. Hate it. I want to go out and do social things, I want to have fun at fun parties, but instead I feel like I want to run away and hide/cry in the corner while everyone else is having a ball. It's not just something I can just "get over" or "stop being like that". I don't do this cuz I want to. I absolutely hate this part of myself, but I have no idea what to do other than put myself in situations and hope for the best.

Went to a party last night that I wanted to go to and I really wanted to have a good time and I was for a while, but then it started getting to me. I know exactly what my triggers are and I do my best to deal with em, but it just isn't enough. I know the things that set me off include, but aren't limited to: the loudness of everyone, the amount of people that I didn't know, the fact that everyone was drinking (which I don't do, but I feel like I might have to start if I ever want to be able to deal with this) and just generally feeling like an outcast who doesn't belong cuz I don't talk a lot. At one point, I thought I was about to have a panic attack. I started getting really hot, dizzy and I wanted to run, but I stood there and tried to hide and tried to ignore it. I don't want to be "that girl" at the party ruining it for everyone else, which is the reason I don't go to parties often.

I can deal with it if people are calm and there are only like 3-5 people total there I know well. That seems to be the only thing I know I'm comfortable at. Anything else, I am a nervous wreck and crying on the inside while I try to make my outside not show that. I have a hard time talking to one person that I don't know, so of course groups of them terrify me.

I don't know why this is so hard for me. I'm the only one struggling with it no matter where I go. I try not to cling to one person while I'm out, but I don't know what else to do. I feel like I need a staple there to keep me grounded, but when I lose that, I feel I've lost the race and might as well leave. I feel like I'm too annoying or not interesting enough for other people to want to talk to. I don't think I'm an aggressive enough talker to join in on conversations, both because I don't like interrupting people and cuz I'm afraid to sound stupid. I'm usually so nervous, my brain doesn't work well and I can't do anything other than small talk. I feel like I scare people off cuz I look mean or don't know what to say. I'm never, ever being mean while I'm at parties, but I know I come across that way cuz I'm awkward.

I just don't know what to do. It's just not getting better. I feel like a failure cuz of my problems. Why can't I just deal with people? Why is this so hard?
 
 
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
 
 
Commander Keen
08 February 2012 @ 11:54 am
so Im into Monster High dolls now. Bad.
I made a Tumblr to show off both my pictures/dolls and inspiration.
Check'r out.
 
 
 
Commander Keen
04 December 2011 @ 12:12 am
MONDAY
+I give 4 kittens away
-Work is super hectic and stressful

TUESDAY
+I give 2 more kittens away
-Another super stressful workday

WEDNESDAY
+Rather calm day
-Until I go to my Dad's store and find out my grandpa Applegate is in the hospital cuz of his heart. It's beating too fast, is partially working, he's short of breath and has some sort of viral infection.

THURSDAY
+Calm work day
-Get news from Dad grandpa doesn't look good. Go to the hospital where he is. Things look better, he gets moved from SOMC to OSU Hospital.

FRIDAY
+Mom made me dinner cuz I spent the night there from needing to leave to Columbus in the morning.
-Brandon got in a fight with me before I left my house over him disappointing me cuz he wouldn't wake up and see me before I left and it shot my day to total shit.

SATURDAY (today)
+Go to Columbus with my Dad to see my grandpa. He's doing better, but still not good, per say. Find out what the doctors are finally going to do to help him, either a pacemaker or a defibrillator.
-Woke up this morning with my back teeth hurting like fuck from clenching my teeth so hard yesterday out of anger. I must have done it through my sleep too. They hurt to where I can barely eat.

...and that's where I am now. Me and Dad are in a hotel up here. We got kicked out by the nurse because my grandpa was getting angry and disorientated from being sleep deprived and on so much medicine, waking up, not knowing where he was or why we were there, etc. We were at the hospital from 12pm to 9pm. We're going to go back tomorrow from like 10am to about 12 or 1. Me and him both need to get back to prepare for work Monday. He wakes up at 3am every morning to open his grocery store at 4:45am. Dad is an early riser. I worry about him through all of this because he's the daddy's boy. This whole situation is so fucked. Last week, I couldn't tell anything was wrong with my grandpa, now he's laying in IC with 10 different IVs in him. What even? He's a pretty healthy old man too, the kind that normally walks 3+ miles a day, until he started getting short of breath a couple weeks ago. The human heart sucks.

Tomorrow, we're giving away Indy, the last definite kitten we're giving away. She's one of the older kittens, about 8 months. We're unsure about giving away Little Man because Brandon really likes him and he stays outside a lot anyway. What kind of world is this where I don't want anymore cats and Brandon does? What kind I say?!

Wednesday, Brandon gets his gall bladder removed (at 6am 1.5 hours away), so from then on thru the rest of the week, I'll be home taking off work to take care of him.

My birthday is next week. Dad says he's going to buy me a gun because I want one and he thinks I should have one. Win!

I don't want to go to work Monday. Can i just take off from life? Wait, I think that's called death. Don't want that, just want to go to Nowhere. Too bad it doesn't exist.
 
 
Commander Keen
29 November 2011 @ 10:43 pm
Got homes for the 6 baby kittens in 2 days. One family took 4, one family took the last 2 boys. Now we just have the 2 eight month olds left. Theyre not a problem. The boy is inside/outside. All the cats are except for Penny and Indy. Indy needs a home. Shes been brought back twice for good, valid reasons. Eventually, we shall get her a home!
Macaroni time.

Hi from my Droid!
 
 
Commander Keen
29 November 2011 @ 10:38 pm


Hi from my Droid!
 
 
Commander Keen
Cats running
cats crying
cat playing
cat hissing
cat smacking
cat growling
cat shit
cat piss
cat scratches
cats
kittens
paying for 100% of everything (rent, bills, groceries, food)
feeling used at work
owning a business i didnt want
this house
finding another house
sick kittens
worrying about indy/faith/penny getting pregnant
finding homes for the 8 kittens we have to give away (which isnt happening)
need to get faith fixed
need to get penny fixed
the stress of knowing your kittens are going to die if you take them somewhere (which looks like my only option at this point)
feeling like im mean a lot of the time to brandon cuz he makes me feel that way
brandon
brandons depression
feeling like a failure
not being creative
not drawing
loneliness
no social interaction
its getting cold and our windows dont shut
messy home with no chance of keeping it clean due to kittens
driving to vanceburg every day
christmas
my birthday (should be a good time, but i hate it)
my moms complaining
my grandmas complaining
my grandparents health

its been building and building and building. im really pretty depressed on the inside, but i repress it and hope it doesnt come to bite me in the ass. i really just want to run away sometimes and never fucking come back.

im upset as fuck now. im getting high.
 
 
Current Mood: overwhelmed
 
 
Commander Keen
18 November 2011 @ 11:34 pm
What I'm guessing is a kidney has been hurting me off and on since the beginning of the week. It's in my lower right back. I can pinpoint the area and the only organ there is the kidney. I'm no dr tho... It hurt real bad Tuesday night I think, but nothing i couldn't deal with. It's just been a coming and going pain. I think it may have something to do with the UTI's I get all the time. I've been on and off fighting one for a while and I thought it went away. I hope it didn't spread up. Either way, I'm going to the lady doctor Monday, so I can get me some meds if I need em if my pee comes back bad.

I've made fliers for the kittens we are wanting to give away. I posted em around town today at the different vets' offices, at the Huddle House and I'm going to put on in Slones. There arnt very many bulletin boards in Morehead. Walmart doesn't even have one. The old one did, but when we got a super Walmart, they did away wth it for whatever reason. Or I'm just overlooking it....IDK. I want to just have MY CATS and NO MORE KITTENS! After we get the little baby kittens gone, we're going to get Faith fixed. I don't want to fix her while we still have the kittens because they're still nursing (even tho they're 8 weeks old) and I would worry they would tear her stitches open because they're all very aggressive eaters.

My I key is sticking a little. I think I have a food crumb underneath of it or something. I'm weary about picking the key off because when I picked my spacebar off to clean under it, it never sat back down correctly. Only about 1/2 - 3/4 of my spacebar works. I have to hit it in a certain spot.

I can't believe I still update this journal.

Off to Skyrim I go.
 
 
Current Mood: crappyin pain